Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Jumping the Gun

Now, I like Anna Benson. I really do. But articles like this one make me wonder...

For those of you without the energy to click through, the story, which was on Page 3 of the NY Daily News, is that Anna is mad that the Mets are trying to trade her hubby, "just average" pitcher Kris Benson. Or, as she puts it:
"We would never, ever have signed with New York if they had said they were going to trade us," said Anna Benson, 29. "I was Miss [Politically Correct] for the Mets the entire time I was there."
What seems to have Benson steamed is the idea that the Mets are trying to trade Kris, not because he's not all that good, but rather because she has been in negotiations to pose nude for Playboy. On this front, I'm with her 100%. They knew which wife they were getting when they signed Benson, and Anna eventually posing naked somewhere--or releasing an amateur porn video over the Internet--were pretty much a given at some point during the righthander's four-year contract.

Do the Mets actually think their fans would mind Benson getting nekkid for Playboy? Maybe a few would, but doesn't the potential gain--the coveted "Maxim demographic"--far outweigh any harm? More importantly, if Anna Benson doesn't mind the whole world seeing her naked body, and if her husband doesn't mind the whole world seeing her naked body, why the heck should the Mets organization care?

Heck, the Mets have a new sports channel coming, and hours of programming to fill. They could do worse than turning one of those hours per week over to Anna Benson, to see if she can't inject some sex appeal into a channel that will probably be a lot like the early YES Network, just without anywhere near history and tradition obsession that drives programming like Yankeeography and Center Stage.

C'mon, like you wouldn't watch, just to see if it's a train wreck?

Now, on the other hand, the rest of Benson's statements in this article are, at the very least, ill-advised. There's no "us" that the Mets are trading--if the Mets trade their pitcher, Kris Benson, Anna Benson can stick around New York if she likes. Worse than that, there's absolutely no reason to bring up Carlos Delgado, and his "unpatriotic" decision not to stand for God Bless America or the National Anthem. Delgado refused to stand during the Anthem because of weapons testing in Vieques, in Delgado's native Puerto Rico, but he's decided not do that any more now that he's with the Mets.

Which brings up the bigger point: Kris Benson hasn't been traded yet. Until he is, Benson is tied to the Mets organization, and may have to share a clubhouse with Delgado in Spring Training, or maybe even for the next three years. And if Kris Benson isn't traded, he--not his wife--will have to deal with the consequences of Anna Benson running off her mouth.

I don't know this woman personally, but I recognize the behavior. Everyone has dated, or has a friend who has dated, the type of girlfriend I call simply "The Big Mouth." Big Mouth's usually pretty attractive--no one would put up with her otherwise--and she's often loyal, devoted and protective of her man. These are all good, positive qualities. The downside comes whenever the Big Mouth leaves the house. You see, because of that devoted/protective thing, she's always on the lookout for people who are dissing her or her man, and because of the attractive thing, she has no inhibitions about expressing her feelings to anyone and everyone.

As a combined result of the attractive/protective qualities, she's a bit paranoid, dividing the world into lists of friends and enemies, and the enemies list always seems to be the longer of the two. Because the Big Mouth demands that her man be as devoted to her as she is to him, she'll expect him to back up her Big Mouth with action, putting the smackdown on her many "enemies," worldwide. Someone step on your shoe and mumble a half-hearted apology? You might let it slide, but not the Big Mouth. She'll insist on a big confrontation on your behalf. Not eager to get into a fistfight, singlehanded, with three or four Hells Angels wannabes? Well, you better get ready rumble, because Big Mouth thought one of them looked at her funny, and she's now impugning the manhood of him and his friends!

Being with the Big Mouth means being in a constant state of war with everyone in the whole world, over slights real or imagined. Sounds fun, doesn't it?


Ric said...

amen, brother...

Ryan said...

Wait... did she release a porno?

DJ said...

Not yet...but it's got to happen sooner or later. Although it's possible that if Kris Benson was smart, "no leaking an amateur porn video over the internet during my playing career" could be a clause in their pre-nup.