Friday, May 13, 2005

Borrowed Bullet Points

Brother Joe tends to do "bullet point fridays" over at his Prospectus Today gig. I'm borrowing the concept for the day, with a few notes and one-line type items.

  • Think of Your Health -- According to reports, Jaret Wright's bad shoulder is good enough that he's going on a rehab assignment. I'm no Will Carroll, but my advice is don't pencil him into the rotation just yet. At the same time the pendulum seems to swing up for Wright, it comes down on Felix Rodriguez, who had surgery on his knee, to repair damaged cartilage after the reliever slipped in the bathtub/hot tub/whatever.

  • FYI -- If Wright does come back, that sets up a conflict between Jaret and Chien Ming Wang (that last name being pronounced "Wong"). So we're looking a classic battle between Wright and Wang. (No applause necessary--I'm here all week!)

  • The Picture of Tino Martinez -- Submitted for your consideration: one baseball player, old for his craft, on the obvious decline of his career, suddenly experiences a renaissance where he plays even better than he did as a youth. Meanwhile, his younger teammate--intended to replace him--withers before our very eyes, his diminishing bat speed pointing in the direction of senility, old age, and death. Unnatural? Probably. Improbable? Certainly. Impossible? Not in...the Twilight Zone.

  • Wild Ride on Getaway Day -- yesterday's game had to be the most astounding that I've followed in a long time. Checked on down 5-0 in the top of the first. Looked back a while later: the Yanks tied it in the bottom of the inning. The Yanks were down when I went to get lunch, and were tied again (behind Tino's 9th homer) by the time I reached the take-out place.

  • Getting the [Bleep] Out of Dodge -- Tony Pena becomes the first manager--to my knowledge--to quit his job because of a booty call. It's a meteoric fall from grace for a guy who was the AL's manager of the year two years ago. You have to wonder if this puts him on the same near-unhirable list as Wally Backman.

  • The Maslow Award for Special Achievement in the Field of Revenge -- Revenge is a dish best served cold, and how cold was it for Kelly Locke, the guy to whom Pena allegely (as we say in Spanish) "le pego los cuernos," to subpoena Tony, thereby ruining Pena's career, and simultaneously making his cheatin' wife a nation-wide laughing stock? I mean, this thing has not only spawned a zillion "Desperate Housewives" jokes, but the wife is now so notorious they throw her middle initial in there when writing about her--she's "Monica A. Locke" in news reports, lest some other Monica Locke be accidentally accused of being an adulteress.

  • A Biiiiig Mouth! -- Note to John Rocker: this is exactly why the Long Island Ducks picked you up. They may or may not have known that you couldn't pitch anymore, but they were damn certain you'd run your fool mouth, and get them tons of free press.

  • Conspiracy Theory of the Day -- ...Or the joke could be on all of us. I have to admit that Rocker's blatherings are so perfectly offensive, I sometimes wonder if there's some brilliant scriptwriter or PR guy behind it all. I mean, if you've got a reputation as the racist redneck guy, who better to compare your self to than Jackie Robinson and Hank Aaron? It's perfectly ironic--almost too much so.

  • Greetings & Felicitations! -- First off, I wish a happy to Brother J, whose birthday is tomorrow; and second, a hearty congratulations to Jay and Andra, who are getting hitched on Sunday.

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