Thursday, May 11, 2006

[Expletive Deleted]

At one point tonight, I just started dropping f-bombs. It was an f-carpet-bombing.

La Chiquita looked at me and said, "What's going on, you're scaring me."

"[Expletive deleted]" I replied, apologetically. I was like Hugh Grant at the beginning of Four Weddings and a Funeral. All I could say was the f-word; it had to stand in for all the rest of my vocabulary.

It started shortly after I got home from work. I worked late, so that was around the fifth inning.

No sooner had I walked through the door than Shawn Chacon loaded the bases, which meant Joe Torre had to go to the bullpen way early.

"[Expletive deleted]," I said, pensively. The man Torre summoned from the bullpen was Scott Proctor, once a feared option, but now, because he struck out Manny Ramirez in last night's game, and because Tanyon Sturtze is on the Joe-Torre-wants-to-wring-your-neck list, Joe's go-to guy. Like anyone else, shortly after the manager decides that Proctor's one of Torre's guys, Proctor will now be thrown out there every other day, whenever there's a tough moment, until he spits the bit or his arm falls off. Proctor got out of the jam, which meant he and Torre were happy, but his right arm was probably sad.

At that point, the Yanks led, 3-1.

At the end of the inning, they show the next three batters up, and I see that Bernie Williams is hitting between A-Rod and Posada. It doesn't really click, it just sounds like a picked out of a hat lineup.

During the largely impotent Yankees half of the inning, I see the headline, which says, Matsui Injured, Streak Ends. It says that Matsui was injured in the top of the first inning, but seems more interested in the fact that Matsui's consecutive games streak--the one he began in Japan--had come to an end (since a player has to play a complete half-inning for a streak to continue, Matsui's game tonight counts as the game when the streak was broken.

Then, in the top of the sixth, with Proctor still in the game, the new ace in the bullpen gave up three consecutive hits, causing the Yanks to expend three more pitchers--Mike Myers, Sturtze, and Villone, just to escape the sixth. If you think that didn't earn a few expletives, you simply don't know me.

In the bottom of the sixth, the Yanks' C-boys--Cano, Cairo (starting at first, naturally), and Crosby--went down in order before Tim Wakefield's knuckler. In the top of the seventh, for some reason, the Yanks decided to show the video of Matsui getting injured.

The video is sickening. Matsui runs full-bore, trying to make a catch low against the grass. As he does so, he tumbles, falling on his glove hand with all his body's weight. As Matsui lies on the grass, he lifts up his arm, and the glove hand just hangs, flopping limply for a moment before Matsui braces his wrist with his throwing hand.

The YES Network is showing this over and over and over again, injury porn, as it were, and I'm watching with the sound off, so I have no idea what point they're trying to make by playing this clip on continuous loop. While the YESmen are showing Matsui writhe, the Red Sox are rallying, Alex Gonzalez--the much-maligned, former Marlin Gonzalez, hitting a ground rule double on a ball misplayed down the rightfield line by Bernie Williams. With two out and two on, secondbaseman Mark Loretta grounds one to the shortstop hole, which the Captain fields from his knees. Holding the ball means accepting the tying run scoring, so Jeter unleashes an off-line throw, which Cairo almost saves with a catch-and-tag up the first base line. The runner, however, knocks the ball out of Cairo's hand and the go-ahead run scores.

That's when I lost control of the f-bomb. There was simply nothing else I could say. The game, at least those parts of it I caught, was played by the Yankees with an air of desperation, despite the fact that they were the home team, with an alleged advantage. With the lead gone, the game went down the tubes. Mariano Rivera gave up another run in the ninth for a 5-3 final.

[Expletive deleted] it all.

No comments: